I Don’t Wanna

I Don't Wanna | toddregoulinsky.com

That photo above isn’t a still from some new low budget horror flick. That’s the remnants of fifteen push-ups that I didn’t want to do.

In the grand scheme of things, my morning exercise routine isn’t much to write home (or the internet) about. I get on my exercise bike and do about 30 minutes on a program with some hills, and that equates to about 9 miles. After that, I do a set of push-ups and some stretching, then move on with my day.

There’s a lot of days when getting on the bike is nearly automatic, which is a function of not being completely awake yet. However, the push-ups aren’t nearly as automatic. After all, once I’ve finished a bike ride to nowhere in the scenic confines of my garage, do I really want to get down on the floor and push my own body weight up and down?

I’ll save you the suspense – no, I do not.

You’d think someone who just spent time writing about being entitled to no would be okay with that, but this is a different breed of beast altogether. One is making a calculated, thoughtful decision and the other is a low-grade tantrum. Which one do you think is actually beneficial?

There are times when “I don’t wanna” turns into that thoughtful decision because it’s the first sign of something deeper – a dashboard idiot light telling me that I only have another 25 miles before I’ll be out of gas. But most of the time, it’s me wanting to buck responsibility and discipline.

I think the secret is knowing when to push through and when to give myself a break. The past couple weeks have been teaching me that a lot of my stress and anxiety revolves around deadlines and impending doom of my own making. If I’m the one causing all stress, I also have the power to defuse it as well. There’s a bit of grace there, but it’s also a matter of responsibility too – because something has to change.

Please don’t interpret this as some sort of humble brag or me trying to pass this off as a self-help guru. I can barely get through my days without bearing the responsibility of getting someone else through theirs. In a way, my goal here is to shame myself into being better at this – to not let the tantrums win.

Today, I didn’t want to do my push-ups, but I did. I’ll take that win.

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